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Archive for March, 2010

I have been thinking about writing a personal book for a long time!   I know the journey I have had the privilege to walk with the Father has been amazing and over the years, I have been changed and influenced by the people who God has placed at my lives table.  This morning I started to make a list of people who have influenced me both positively and negatively to the point of changing the way I look at and live my life.   The first list:  biological mom, foster mom, grandparents,  Mr. Fischer (a high school history and English teacher), Orlando Rivera, Pastor Hunter,  Nancy Campbell and Diana Oxford nothing to earth shattering!  If you knew each of these people and how they have poured into me personally or through the ministry God has given them it makes perfect sense.

My second list:  Kathy (Katie) Scram,  Jody Scott,  Milo Harter, Arthur Lee Austin, Beverly Jones, Bobby Locke, Stacy Thomas, Bob Stout and Steve Scott, and Kathy Stank.  An unusual list if you knew these people.  Each of them have given me gifts such as laughter, courage, faith, endurance, freedom,  problem solving,  compassion, leadership, and a respect for how God creates each of us to be unique and to have great purpose.  These people most would have cast out long ago; frankly, many have been cast aside living in homes with little or no contact with family or friends and little control over their lives.  All of them living with some type of disabilities and not expected to influence (lead) others.  I know this first hand, because they have influenced how I view my table and who should be invited to sit and eat at my table.

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Several years ago, I was lamenting about something in my life and wondering if it would ever work out.  I was walking the streets of East London with teammates at the time, Henry and Maggie.   Henry in his normal brash manner told me either you believe , “ God is sovereign or He is not!”  Those words pierced my heart and changed my outlook regarding my Christian walk.  I walk in confidence knowing the God I serve and love has a plan that is much better than I could conceive. 

Today the senate will vote on the Healthcare Bill the house passed on Sunday and our nation will change.  I oppose big government; oppose the government making choices that should be left in the hands of American Citizens.  I want to believe our congressmen, senators and president really are looking out for we the people…but my confidence wanes.

I struggle, as I think about my fellow countrymen and women who do not have healthcare, or have inadequate coverage.  Living in the disability community this is not a black and white issue.  I have friends who’s lifetime limits have been met by the time their son was 4 and other friends who pay several hundred dollars monthly just to rid their bodies of urine and feces, something most of do for free!  So do I think healthcare needs to change radically, I do!  I want my friends and family to pursue life, liberty and happiness and be healthy, but I do not think through government is how we achieve these goals.

I dream of the day we as American’s stand shoulder to shoulder and really learn to care for one another, not because government tells us to but rather because of a relationship with a personal Savior called Jesus.  Today, I thank God for He is bigger, and pray he teaches us all to care for one another!

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Jesus says come, He tells us to invite others to the table!  Today the thought of coming to the table or inviting others to the table does not sound appealing.  I am sad and I am mad.  I want to be left alone and I am certain I do not want to talk to God.  Yet, I have lived in relationship with the Father for so long now, that, when I am not talking to the Father, I do not know how to live life! It’s been a long time since, I have wanted to sever relationship with the Father……….but today, I have been pushed to that point. 

None of this is really about me or anything that has happened to me personally.  I continue to work, have great friends, family, and enjoy good health.  Personally, I am satisfied  but……………..my friends, they have been through the wringer the last few weeks, the loss of jobs, accidents, life threaten illness and the latest the death of a spouse.  I am shocked at my reaction to the death of this spouse, I am not close to the family although their story has impacted the ministry our God has given me, but this family has had it’s fair share of tragedy in the last decade and now I am left wondering………………how much more Lord?  How much more?  I know the answers, but they do not satisfy my soul and my need to help. 

So… today….I inch toward the table, knowing I belong at the table, I search for the ability to ask for forgiveness.  There is relief knowing we serve a Father who loves us and grieves with us……..and there is always space at the table.

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